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Forever Changed by Tammy

You were always my favorite uncle
the one I loved & trusted too
I never imagined the day would come
when everything within me would hate you.
I was only twelve years old
laying on the floor watching t.v.
no one else was at your house
no one else but you & me.
Why did you look at me like that?
When you saw me, didn't you see a little girl?
Didn't you see the fear in my eyes
as you forever changed my innocent world?
As you raped me over & over again
for four very long years
did it bother you even once
when you saw my eyes fill with tears?
It seemed like an eternity
I didn't think it would ever stop
but after I turned sixteen
I decided it had to... no matter what.
I knew I couldn't stand it
to happen even once more
so the last time I was in your car
I waited till the time was right & jumped out of the door.
I really didn't care if I died
laying there on the back road
It's the only thing I knew to do
Cause this secret couldn't be told.
No such luck, I was still alive
scuffed & bruised with pains in my chest
I took off running for my life
But now I was scared to death.
I heard the car stop on the rocks
as I ran through the cornfield fast
wondering if I'd make it through this day
or would it be my last?
I could hear you running after me
as the corn behind me moved
suddenly something grabbed me
it was my greatest fear... you.
I don't remember anything else
except the look in your eyes
You seemed to be totally insane
that look you couldn't disguise.
Lord only knows what happened after that
It's like hitting a stone wall
my mind has totally blocked it out
I'm not yet willing to recall.
I don't even know how I got home that day
but one thing I know for sure
that was the last time you ever touched me
I thank God, it never happened any more.

© Tammy 2005

A message from the poet Tammy

I did eventually forgive my uncle. I realized he was a VERY sick man & in need of some major help. I am not saying I was ever friends with him or spent any time with him after what he did, (actually, I never talked to him again) but I did forgive him in my heart. He passed away a couple of years ago. I can rest now knowing he can no longer hurt anyone. Writing this poem helped me deal with the pain. I didn't write it for sympathy or anything like that... it's just part of the healing process. This happened 25 years ago and to be honest, I am glad I can't remember the last time, because I think it was really bad.

To all of the young girls who may read this and are going through a similar situation... Please don't let it ruin your life.  Always remember there is a better life waiting for you!!  If you try to kill yourself or let it ruin your life then HE WON!!! NEVER LET HIM WIN!! He has taken enough from you. Be strong... keep your head up & keep your faith up... YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS! Take care & God bless!  -  Tammy poet of Forever Changed.



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