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RebeccaSigned on: Thu 23 Mar 2006 19:05:38 EST
Please can I hate? 
Excuse me, dear. 
Did I ever tell you that I hate myself? 
More than I hate you 
more than these blocks inside my body 
or the little girl who let it happen. 
What a brave little soldier, they all say 
How courageous, embroiled in battle 
yet survived 
relatively unscathed 
and Oh, how wise for one so young... 
Did you ever inject your anger? 
Have you ever been stoned on fear? 
Did you ever really feel the depravation 
of a life without it -  
just one day, one precious moment 
straight and clean. 
Unadulterated, unintoxicated 
Undemanding - no commands 
no crazy orders from insanity. 
But then, their hands could do the talking 
and love was a fist or a smashed plate. 
And I hate you, f*cking traitor -  
Where were you? 
You ran away. 
And you bitch - bitches from hell 
I hope you bleed and rot and burn and suffer for everything you did to me... 
But dear, you've been so brave, 
don't wreck it now by feeling pain. 
Remember now, you believe in peace 
Keep breathing out, keep breathing in. 
"But what about the fear and hate?" 
Well, how about you turn it inwards...
Taylor P.Signed on: Fri 10 Mar 2006 17:56:54 EST
I turned off the lights and crawled in bed 
My Grandma sang songs and stroked my head 
I fell asleep when prays were done 
My grandma left, right before it begun 
Deep in sleep I awoke with fear 
A hand was tugging at my clothes it appeared 
Who could this be? Should I stay still? 
Will he hurt me? Is he planning to kill? 
But then I peak to see the man 
Who’s dragging me into his sickening plan 
It couldn’t be, was it really true? 
I must be dreaming… this man I knew! 
It was my brother, the one that I trust 
He’s touching me places through perverted lust 
Fear shot through me in pulsing pains 
I wanted to move, but It felt like I’m chained 
He’s much bigger than me, he could hurt me a lot 
So I pretend to wake up and not know what he sought 
“I’m cold” I said, and I wrapped up in sheets 
But when I drifted asleep those acts he repeats. 
Tears roll down my checks, as I’m facing away 
The pain in my chest made it hard to obey 
I finally realize what needs to be done.  
I wake up and pull up the pants he undone 
He finally stopped, and somehow I drifted 
Off to sleep were my nightmares consisted 
I woke up with pain more than I’ve ever felt 
The hate I consumed for this man I barely dealt 
I told my mom the very next day 
And in her arms I withered away 
I’m still afraid to sleep alone  
Since the night the truth was known. 
UndeadSigned on: Sun 12 Feb 2006 13:23:17 EST
Today I Turned Fourteen 
I lay there frighten  
under the sheets, 
As the door cracked open, 
and someone creeped. 
I hope my family, 
heard my scream. 
Or would they think  
it was a dream?  
My big brother, 
should be here. 
instead he is out,  
drinking beer. 
I start trembling, 
full of tears. 
as this creep starts,  
to get near. 
He stands over, 
by my bed. 
As intense fear,  
runs through my head. 
I lay there as if, 
I was dead. 
as he lays next to me  
he said. 
"If you scream again  
I will kill you, 
and if your parents come in  
I will kill them too." 
He ripped my pajamas, 
and got on top. 
I whispered to him, 
please, please stop. 
I was trapped  
under his weight. 
I can't believe  
this was my fate. 
He forced it in,  
I felt the pain. 
along with this pain  
came pouring shame. 
When he finished  
he ran out. 
It was the neighbor  
there was no doubt. 
Came through a window  
in the hall, 
What should I do,  
who should I call? 
I wish this was  
an awful dream, 
you see today  
I turned fourteen. 
© 1998 David Velazquez. All rights reserved by author  
UndeadSigned on: Sun 12 Feb 2006 13:17:37 EST
Little Girl Sue 
I knew a girl named Sue, 
She lived not far from here. 
Everyday she cried, 
Everyday in tears. 
Poor little girl Sue, 
She seemed to be in pain. 
Was she being abuse, 
Or was little Sue insane. 
I sneaked up on poor Sue, 
To see what she would do. 
But when I heard her talk, 
I wanted to see with who. 
She was talking to herself, 
This little girl named Sue, 
As she said these words, 
Sue was feeling blue. 
I am a bad girl, 
I made daddy leave, 
I should have not been born, 
Should have never been conceived. 
I'm sorry mommy, 
Please stop yelling. 
Its all my fault, 
Sue just kept telling. 
I tried hard, 
I tried my best. 
You will see, 
I won't be a pest. 
I got closer to Sue, 
To see what she was hiding. 
She had a blade poor Sue, 
She had just finished deciding. 
Before I could act, 
Little Sue just slit, 
I held her tight, 
But Sue had a fit. 
Please let me die, 
I'm in the way. 
Thats what mom tells me, 
My heart broke, 
I couldn't breathe. 
My tears rolled, 
When I saw Sue bleed. 
I knew a girl named Sue, 
She lived not far from here. 
Everyday she cried, 
Everyday in tears. 
Her mother yelled at her, 
Sue thought she was to blame. 
Poor little girl named Sue, 
Today her life she claimed. 
Fly little Sue, 
Come fly away with me. 
I am the Angel of love, 
With me you will be free! 
© 1998 David Velazquez. All rights reserved by author  
UndeadSigned on: Sun 12 Feb 2006 13:15:12 EST
Life Of A Troubled Teen 
Vague memories, raw emotions, 
Dead beat dad, no devotion 
Ejaculation delight, body shaking, 
Pushing in fright, lower parts aching. 
Abandonment, fatherless child. 
Regretful mom, young and wild. 
Sick baby, cracked addicted. 
Awful treatment, so conflicted. 
Constant hunger, 4 years old. 
Raped, the darkness told. 
Cruel world, trapped in system, 
Poor girl, drugging with them. 
Government, called the cure, 
Bouncing homes, so obscured. 
Hormone teen, streets are lonely, 
Prostitution, survival only. 
Depression, never saw the ocean. 
River, of jagged emotions. 
Death, like little girl Sue. 
To think, that all this can be true. 
© 1998 David Velazquez. All rights reserved by author 
UndeadSigned on: Sun 12 Feb 2006 13:11:38 EST
Daddy Demon 
Running through the hallway 
I reach my room, 
Have to get pass the stairway, 
or face my doom. 
I lock the door,  
my back against it. 
My breathing is hard.  
everyday I chance it. 
Ever since mommy died, 
Daddy's been acting strange. 
Drinking as he yells Why? 
He slowly began to change. 
He sits me on his lap, 
tells me I'm a good girl. 
His breath smells real bad, 
tells me I am his world. 
Why do you touch me there daddy? 
Why do you put me to shame? 
I can't take her place daddy, 
I'm your daughter it's not the same. 
You are my princess, he says, 
do you want to see daddy sad? 
Of course I don't daddy, 
but please don't kiss me like that. 
Hiding under the blankets, 
footsteps at my door. 
He will rape me tonight again, 
my tears flow forevermore. 
Knock knock honey,  
please let daddy in. 
Daddy we can't do this,  
you know this is a sin. 
Princess I'm getting mad,  
all I want to do is chat. 
Daddy you make me sad, 
please stop treating me like that. 
He breaks in the door, 
I close my eyes real tight. 
He hits me and starts to roar, 
daddy stop, this isn't right! 
Daddy just wants some loving.  
The way your mother did it? 
He soon started shoving, 
took my heart and split it. 
I'll run away tonight 
I'll run away real far. 
Anything is better than this type, 
of abuse, my heart is scarred. 
I wish I was a butterfly,  
or even a fish, 
I'll fly away so high, 
or swim away so swift. 
© 1998 David Velazquez. All rights reserved by author  
UndeadSigned on: Sun 12 Feb 2006 13:10:15 EST
Dying In The Corner 
Sitting in the corner, 
with my knees against my chest, 
I cry. 
Crying in the corner, 
with my thoughts driving me mad, 
I think. 
Thinking in the corner, 
with my life so in distress, 
I weep. 
Weeping in the corner, 
with myself being depressed, 
I stress. 
Stressing in the corner, 
with my gun up to my head, 
I fear. 
Fearing in the corner, 
with my body shaking, 
I tremble. 
Trembling in the corner, 
with my knees up to my chest, 
with my thoughts driving me mad, 
with my life so in distressed, 
with myself being depressed, 
with my gun up to my head, 
with my body shaking, 
I die. 
© 1998 David Velazquez. All rights reserved by author 
UndeadSigned on: Sun 12 Feb 2006 13:08:19 EST
In the shadow of the beast 
I hide out of fear 
In the shadow of the beast 
As he tramples on my future 
And devastates my morality 
My ability to speak is frozen 
My ability to reach out is cut off 
My tears are banished 
My truth is a lie 
My brain is scattered 
My pain is ignored 
My body is his playground 
He is the predator 
I am the prey 
My shame is exposed 
Yet hidden 
I have grown fond of my shame 
For that's all I have left 
I cling to it like a fish on a hook 
In the end my shame will be my weapon 
But for now I shall remain 
In the shadow of the beast 
© 1998 David Velazquez. All rights reserved by author
Undead DreamsSigned on: Sun 12 Feb 2006 12:46:27 EST
The Darkness 
Looking out the window, I watch the kids play, 
they spend their time laughing, while all I do is pray. 
Pray that mommy comes home fast, before he gets here. 
Pray that she won't be last, my hands are wet with tears. 
He is the darkness, that comes in the night, 
to play strange games with me, as I lay in fright. 
His breath smells like alcohol, his muscles are steel, 
I'm hopeless to him, if you only knew how I feel. 
I'm only eight, why am I being punished. 
As I pray to God, to please take me from it. 
If I tell mommy, will the darkness know? 
I want to tell her, but my fear just grows. 
He pulls me, he hits me, he grabs me, he rips me. 
I tear, I pray, I fear, I stay. 
Here he comes my body starts shaking, 
The darkness will take me, my heart is breaking. 
I pray my dad, will take me away, 
If I could see him, the things I would say. 
Where are you daddy, why did you leave? 
My step-dad rapes me, I feel so deceived. 
© 1998 David Velazquez. All rights reserved by author.
AmySigned on: Sun 12 Feb 2006 05:16:41 EST
im 17 and i was abused by a babysitters son when i was about lasted till i was bout 10.i cant remember any specific details because i completley blocked it from my memory until about a year and a half back when it all came rushing back.he was about 16 and he would take me to his time his mum came in and just asked me if i liked it.i pretended i didnt kno what she was talking about at first but eventually i told her,no i didnt like it.she told me to go downstairs to play.but nothing changed.the abuse went on,until one day when i was about 10 and i told him in a forcfull voice to stop.i went through a tough year of depression when my memory came back. i didnt believe i could get through it.But i have.i feel a much stronger person for it.i hated him untill i believed i couldnt hate anyone more.i cried untill i had no tears left.i felt numb inside - like i was in a dream.i couldnt connect with the world.i went to councilling but it didnt really help.untill one day i woke up and suddenly found the strength to live.i knew i could get on with my life.ill never forget and i still have my moments where i think i cant pull through.but ive done it. ive survived and if i can overcome sexual abuse i can overcome anything.  
To those out there who have experienced such a terrible thing as abuse - it feels like the world has collapsed beneath your feet and you feel like you cant go on.You dont want to go on and you cant see light at the other end of the tunnel.But believe me - ull get through.You can make it.Just stick in there and youll b alright.youll b stronger than before.Dont let that bastard control your life.they dont deserve it.
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