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| Jacqueline | Signed on: Fri 10 Aug 2012 14:42:13 EST
Tickling,
such a safe, happy, word
playful, funny...
child's giggles
Except when it isn't
the little one is on edge, tickling, scared, fly above, HELP
| | | | Alicia | Signed on: Fri 10 Aug 2012 14:48:06 EST
My abuse occured when i was about three until i was fifteen. I was threatend brutalized and have never recovered, i,m sure the abuse defines me. I am disasociated cold i have no concept of a normal existence. I have endured three lousy marriages, each one abusive, i constantly have anxiety especially at night, i am depressed and feel powerless most of the time. When i am out among other people in stores or just passing on the street i feel like they can see my dirty secret and i,m disgusting. I won,t tell my experience here but i,m sure any one who has suffered sexual abuse can relate. I am 49 now, i have had substance abuse issues major depression and i feel like i can,t connect to any one or anything. My life is miserable but i cant seem to repair it. I have no confidence in myself to even attempt a recovery, im sure it would be too painful to tolerate. | | | | Summer LaBrie | Signed on: Sun 20 May 2012 23:11:23 EST
Reclaiming Together
We had been hurt
In so many ways
We knew pain
And how to obey
We tried not to cry
We wanted to fight
But survival took over
We did what was right
We lived with the pain
Some days, some years
Taking the punishment
Controlled by fear
Evil is among us
It walks the Earth
Taking love and hope
And even self-worth
Now it is our turn
Take back control
Take back our dreams
Our thoughts and our souls
When you can't stand
I will stand you tall
And you will catch me
Whenever I fall
United we will conquer
And begin to feel
Helping each other
Through our journey to heal
| | | | beth | Signed on: Sat 24 Mar 2012 16:11:13 EST
ever since i can remember i have been sexually abused by two of my uncles from my dad's side.. it all started when i was like in elementary school i dont exacly remember my age but i remember being touched by my uncle and i didnt know what to do... i felt really weird!! i used to think to myself " why is he touching me?" at that time my uncle used to live with us,,, the day he moved out of the house i felt safe again until my other uncle moved in with us,, it was like if the nightmare had started again... i was 9 or 10 yrs old when i started getting sexually abused by my other uncle,,,,, the sad thing is that i have some hate inside of me towards my mom because i remember the day i told her about me getting sexually abused by my uncle but i dont know if she thought i was lying or maybe she forgot,,, but "HOW CAN A MOTHER FORGET THAT??" after all she still let him live in our house. . . until now i havent told NOBODY about that. . when my uncle passed away ( the 2nd one that had sexually abused me) i didnt care and now my family wonders why. . . | | | | Girltrappedintime | Signed on: Wed 22 Feb 2012 09:22:13 EST
The story of being molested by my older sisters husband began when I was 14yrs old. That night my family had a get huge get together. Ones we had every so often because we were such a big loving family. Anyways reunions always involves alcohol and that night I dont know how much he has drink but he was still able to walk and have a conversation with my sister so what do you think? Was he drink enough that he didn't know what he would be doing to me in a few minutes? Moving on.. My sister and the rest of the girls went outside for a smoke. I stayed behind I was a little buzz and starting to get tired. By this time it was already late late. The house was pretty full and we would just sleep anywhere we can find with blankets and pillows of course. My other older sister was already sleeping in the living room floor next to the couch and I slept on the couch. Anyways I was buzz and hot so I didn't have a blanket on me. I just fell dozed off to sleep, but suddenly I felt something weird down on below my pants. I looked up and there he was staring down at me he took his hands quickly away from my private part and act like nothing had happened. I was so shocked and scared I felt nasty disgusting guilty all at the same time. My sisters came inside and he didn't look at me. I got up and went to my other sisters bedroom and slept on the floor. Re thinking about what just happened I got scared for my sister that was sleeping on the floor in the living room and went to get her to sleep with me. By the way I have a lot of sisters. That night I couldn't sleep. All that time he was married to my sister I thought of him as a brother. He was the coolest brother ever and I felt so lucky to have him as a brother in law. My sister had been married to him for 4-5 years when this happened and when they just got married I was only a little girl. He saw me grow up I flirted with him only in a childish way never in a disgusting way. That was when I was 11 or so but then I never flirted when I got to age 13 or so. I mean did I lead him on. I feel so miserable seeing my sister and not being able to tell her. I cry all the time. And when I see him I act like nothing happen and that I was just too tired to remember what happen. Anyways when I woke up that morning I felt terrible. That day the whole family was going on a picnic at the park and I didn't want to ruin it or anyone. I tried avoiding him the entire day and didn't even say bye when they left. I wanted to tell my other sisters but I was afraid they would think it was my fault an that I should have done things differently. So yeah this is my story...sorry for all the bad grammar but I didn't web know I was going to share my story today. Sometimes I find myself just dazing off and thinking about that horrible night and if I should tell one of my family members but I never had the courage to. The only person I ever told was my husband and now I am soon turning 22. I can never tell my sister I love her so much! One time I almost did when I thought their relationship was at an end. She caught him cheating and got into a big argument that involved the whole family. I was there supporting her and almost almost told her why she should just leave him but I didn't want to hurt her even more. Plus I just keep thinking she will bot believe me. Or why didn't I say anything earlier. So when they got back together an was happy again with two kids whom I love them so much, I didn't want to ruin there happy family. I dont and still feel this way I don't want to be the reason why her family is torn. I don't want to be the reason why my niece and nephew wonders when the grow up why mommy and daddy split up because of aunty. I just wish this never happen and I wish I can turn back time so I can do things differently. And one day I wish I have the courage to tell my sister face to face.
Admin's Comment: Its not your fault that this person did this to you. I'm glad you told your husband.
Thanks for writing your story here on this site for others to read. | | | | linda lou | Signed on: Thu 22 Sep 2011 18:58:41 EST
When I was young, my mom told me how her sister told her my dad tried messing with her . She said they were going to confront him together and they got scared so they hid notes around the house just in case my daddy killed them..........lol He did'nt and it happened only once during a night when he had one too many beers and he apologized and my parents loved one another up until my daddy died. My aunt had forgiven him. My mom told me when she was around 11 or 12 , a neighborhood man would follow her, brag about blowing his wife's heads off with a shot gun, hit her and tried raping her one night. Thank God she pinched her baby brother hard enough to get him crying and he ran out the door. Then came along my sister's new husband. His first wife had been shot and stabbed to death. Her sister's boyfriend had killed her but there were rumors that he was involved. When my sister was pregnant, I was only 14, this was in 1979. My sister would say for me to sleep in the bed with them, and put me in the middle. She'd say she wanted to be on the side of the bed to sleep and he said the same . I trusted my sister because we were very close . I honestly thought nothing of it . I was raised miles up a hollow, very naive and wasn't out much. One night i woke up to him touching me, staring at me and he began to suck my breasts. I was shocked. I couldn't move . I was full of fright. I was embarrasses because i had an orgasm. I didn't know that was what it was at the time . I never told her that night so it happened over and over. I never touched him, kissed him, hugged him, or even felt attracted to him, but how could my body feel this way? I found a note my sister had wrote to him months later, she was still pregnant . I had only read the first line, " C huck, I know what you're doing to my baby sister. " I thought, "Wow, She'll get me out of this. " All of a sudden , she jerked the letter away from me, looked at me, and just walked off!!!!!!!!!! I thought of my mom and her sister. I knew she told me they faced my daddy together. Why couldn't my sister and I ? I never felt more paralyzed in my life. The abuse continued. He never penetrated me, but I know it is still sexual abuse. When I got 16, I met a very strong willed girl. ...ME!! I decided on my own, no more. I didn't know exactly how I'd handle the situation, I just knew I had to do it. One night, while I was at my sister's home, she told me to go to the store with him. I was still scared and I went. As soon as the car got out of sight of homes in the neighborhood, he started to try to feel me . I shoved his hand away, and told him to stop. He looked stunned, but tried to do it again and I stopped it again and told him to stop. We went to the store,and going home, he tried it again and this time i hit him in the face so hard and told him , "if you don't stop , I'm going to jump out of this car and run to the first house and call the law. " He said no one will believe you but he stopped and never messed with me successfully ever again. He did try two more times and I told him I'll call the police, so he left me alone I never told my parents what happened. I was embarrassed for me and my sister. On 9-11-2011, my sister and I had a dispute,and our relationship ended ....like the twin towers, two sisters relationships crumbled. I told her what happened . She denied ever knowing . She said I was 16 when it started happening, and caught me in bed with him..........Was this really happening? This can't be my sister. She then began saying , Go ahead and run your mouth, and my kids remember you molesting them. What? This is not true. How could she say that? I was devastated and still am. Now my family is torn I told my mom and brother . ,they believe me. She had cut and pasted some of my messages making people think I had accused many others of molesting me. She flipped out bad and threatening to have my grandchildren removed from my home because of her false accusations. My grandkids come first.........For 32 years , I kept my mouth shut and now that i was telling, they was trying to turn the guilt over to me. I knew threw the years , i had two other cousins that was treated the same way by himWhen I came out about what had happened, another cousin came out and said he abused her also. How many more are out there? How many other lil girls grew up to be low, self esteemed women because of him? I felt so awful for keeping quiet because Maybe I could had stopped other lil girls from being his victims. I feel my heart as been lifted from this burden, I feel free from this secret . I had told two brothers before, a sister-in-law, and friends threw out my adult years about what had happened. But , now my sister and her family are trying to bring me down . All I can say is, They can't bring me down because I know I'm above them!!!!!!!!!! I'm visiting with some family members this weekend to start anew. I had lashed out over them during my life for no reason at all. I hurt the ones that loved me the most and I'm asking them for forgiveness. I should had taken my anger out on my abuser. My family will understand , I know they love me. I called my sister today, and I told her that I forgive her for all the lies she has told and the hateful words she told to me . I couldn;t bare the thought of her passing away and me , never forgiving her. I haven't learned to forgive him yet , I honestly don't know if I can. But i forgive myself for not being strong, for being naive, and If one lil girl will read this and look deep down in her soul and find that strong inner self, to learn to fight back, then I'll forgive myself for keeping quiet. I hope one day my sister and I can erect our relationship. , unlike the twin towers on9 -11-2001. ...
Admin's Comment: Many people visit this site and I am sure a person will be inspired by your story and courage to face sexual abuse.
Whitedove | | | | teresa shaw | Signed on: Sun 24 Jul 2011 06:05:46 EST
 my niece died last yr and when i came to the burial 7/6/10 someone freed whitedoves and one came home with me never having children i am now a grandmother of doves and thats the family God gave me from my deceased sister child today I have 14 doves thats a miracle To God Be The Glory 7/17/2011 | | | | tj | Signed on: Sun 24 Jul 2011 05:43:22 EST
mu abuse begin when Iiwas sevnn years old and comtiuned untill i was 17 my father a city cop in Ca and at first my father was the only one who did to me but at 11 years my day cop buddies would pay my dad to have sx with me this when on untill 17. i moved out joined the navy had 2 childern never dealt with married my kids dad divoced my kids dad and then meet the most amzing man but fucked that uo becase an inccdet happend at Our house warming party where he walked in on me having sex with other dude, but it was not me sitting there, the guy he walked on me brother had pulled my shorts down in fornt of everyoe and put me in a place that all rememeber was what my dad and his cop friends where doing to me so I layed there let it happen and my bf friend walked in on us I need him to understand that was not me Has any one had flashbacks that put them back in the abouse that the lay there and take just to get it over with becase of fear? | | | | Pauls | Signed on: Sat 02 Jul 2011 14:40:33 EST
This is difficult for me I have dealt with my abuse by pretending that it didn't happen,I was sexually abused by 4 different men when I was 5 yrs until about 11 years old, since then I have spoken about it but lately at the age of 43 I have no feelings whatsover, I always have to think of ways to be nice, I am married and I have a 7 yr old daughter who I love and I show love to but I feel so empty inside , I am worried and I need someone to help me. I also have a very abusive husband and my abused reminder was triggered off when my brother who was also abused got killed in LONDON, I am forgetting alot also.Please help me. | | | | Stafon | Signed on: Thu 16 Jun 2011 01:11:40 EST
At last! Someone who understands! Thanks for potsnig! | | |
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