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LatishaSigned on: Wed 02 Jul 2014 21:29:39 EST
Where does one find everything that specifics of assault ? I'm composing an dissertation in might now i'm having trouble obtaining goods on the web over it. In case you can help you myself for this one particular i'd personally be much required All the best Yolanda
Admin's Comment: Please use the contact us page for further information. We might be able to suggest further resources for your dissertation. 
Katya ColeSigned on: Sun 24 Mar 2013 15:09:27 EST
My name is Katya, and I've been abused by my father. I'd like to share with you my story--the whole story. I've written a book, a memoir, on my experiences with abuse entitled Embracing My Father's Shadow (http://www.amazon.com/Embracing-My-Fathers-Shadow-Beauty/dp/0615766889). 
 
Embracing My Father's Shadow: Beauty from the Ruins of Sexual Abuse: 
What do you do when you've been betrayed? When your heartís been taken and used and thrown away? What do you do when your father is a murderer? What do you do when your beauty defines you? When your past is your present and your present confines you? What do you doÖwhen youíre me? 
 
​Embracing My Father's Shadow is the story of my struggle to overcome a history of sexual abuse. Iím boldly open and honest about my abuse, my sin, the birth of my faith, and everything in between. 
 
​This narrative is all-encompassing. It addresses topics all women can relate to such as believing the Gospel and battling sin. Here's​ what's included: Insight into the trauma of sexual abuse and the damage sin can cause; an unfiltered telling of my story, from the depths of pain to the joys of healing and the highs of traveling the world; a brief summary of the Gospel: what I deserve because of my sin and what my future holds through dependence on God, belief in Jesus, and fellowship with the Holy Spirit; an adaptation of the Twelve Steps; and a closing chapter on combating lies and fighting sin. 
 
​These pages will take you beyond the simple facts and through the war within me. These pages will reveal my brawl with deep insecurity. These pages will show you me. 
 
-Katya 
 
www.katyacole.com
LauraSigned on: Fri 08 Mar 2013 17:46:16 EST
My story is a different type of sexual abuse. I thought of it as date rape. I was told by the two people I finally told about it that it wasn't and that it was my fault. I don't know what it is technically called, but I do know that it was against my will so to me at least it counts as abuse. 
On my 18th birthday I had a big party and then headed into town to the nightclubs with a few of my friends. We all got pretty drunk and they ended up leaving me alone with one guy who I'd gone to high school with but hadn't seen since the previous year. He'd always been really lovely and popular, he was the boarding school captain and we'd been quite close for a couple of years.  
That night he bought me a drink after my other friends had left us alone. I didn't pay attention to what he gave me but drinking that is the last thing I remember. Until I woke up in his room, naked on his bed. I don't think I'd actually been asleep, it's more like I'd been in a haze and suddenly broke out of it. He was lying on top of me kissing my neck and working his way down. I tried to push him off but it felt like I was paralysed - I couldn't move. I tried telling him to stop but again it felt like I couldn't form any words properly. I mostly slurred my "no"s and "stop"s. The only way I can describe it is like I was in a glass box in my mind - I was completely aware of what was going on, but my body wouldn't respond to stop it. That night he raped me. It didn't last long as he ended up just stopping. The only reason I can think of for this is that it wasn't that fun for him when I wasn't really responding at all (he couldn't hear the screams in my mind). He ended up saying "I like cuddling too" and pulled me close towards him to go to sleep. I was horrified. I didn't know where he lived so I didn't know where I was or how to get home. I still couldn't move properly so I just lay there for hours until I finally fell asleep. The next morning there was blood on the sheets and I awoke before him. I grabbed my clothes and got dressed before wandering out into his house. His roommate, who I'd also gone to school with, was there and ended up driving me home. I assume he just thought I'd had a regular one night stand. 
It took me three months to admit to my mum and doctor what had happened. I thought it was date rape. They said he probably didn't realise I wasn't into it. Whatever the situation, I was given something that inhibited me, and I wasn't able to defend myself. Most importantly I did not want to have sex with him. I was a virgin and my "friend" took that from me.  
Yes I was drunk at first, and yes I was wearing a dress and heels, but I've come to realise that doesn't excuse him from what he did. Whether he or someone else spiked my drink, he should have realised I wasn't in the right state of mind. But it happened. And I'm learning to move on. I was diagnosed with depression a few months after it, but the pills I'm on have fixed that. I'm surviving. I just hope my story shows that even unusual versions of abuse can still shatter someone, but that it's okay to recognise them for what they are. As long as I was able to accept what happened, I was able to begin to move on with my life.
Rose of NoonvaleSigned on: Mon 04 Feb 2013 15:28:49 EST
The First Story 
 
It all started long ago, when knowledge only surrounded cartoons and my room. Innocence was lost so young, the balance was broken and being lost seemed to be the only way. But I hid it all. I kept it inside. 
 
At the time one of my older brothers was living with me. He kept pornography badly hid in the plastic made up closet he had. I was hiding from my dad, trying to scare him as he came from work. I hid in the closet. I was so excited, as a child should be, about to pop up and scare her father with a loud "BOO" following up with hugs and laughter. I sat patiently there, waiting. I got bored, he had gone to the store first, so I looked around and then I saw them. It was a pretty blonde lady, I thought it was a fashion magazine at first. Looking through it I realized that adults liked to do odd things. I was fascinated by it. Hair in such odd places made me laugh. Time passed and I didn't realize my father coming in. He knew I would be hiding, as I always do this. He found me in there, and as quickly as I saw his smile the frown just popped up and the anger rose from his eyes. Least to say I was punished and my brother put to shame. I learned my lesson, but my curiosity was not sated. I started to understand what the things my cousin was trying to do. I started to wonder, and the anger that my father showed made me realize I could not say anything. Ever.  
dlovinSigned on: Sat 12 Jan 2013 21:44:42 EST
I donít know how to tell my story, but I am going to try and be as honest as I can. Some of the things I will say may shock you, but itís my story and I feel like I have to be totally honest with myself. I have recently broken my silence and told a couple people very close to me my story, but have been very vague about my experience. My parents still donít even know my story. The only reason I am sharing my story now is to hopefully help others and myself move forward and stop blaming myself. I hope that I can start to heal myself and maybe inspire others to share their story as a form of release.  
My family was between homes and we were staying next door to our future home with my grandparents. Their home was pretty full as some of my cousins were living there at the time, so I slept on a pull out couch with my cousin Mark. I was about four years old. He was ten years older than me. I looked up to him as a big brother and a friend.  
Parts of my memories are blurry and I canít put an exact time frame on everything, but here we go. . . I fell asleep on the pull out while my grandfather and cousin watched television. Then I was awoken by my cousin touching my leg. I donít think I was worried or uncomfortable at that time, but then he kept rubbing my leg and then my stomach. I just tried to pretend to be asleep. The next night I couldnít sleep. I pretended to be asleep as my cousin and grandfather watched the late news and Mark got in to bed with me. 
That night he touched me again. He rubbed his hand against my chest, stomach, legs, and then inside my panties. I didnít know what to do. I just pretended to be asleep and rolled away from him. I am not sure if it was the next night or after that, but he did it again. I kept pretending to be asleep. This time his hand was on my vagina, touching, rubbing, and poking at it until he put his fingers inside me. I immediately pulled away, but he pulled me closer and started rubbing my back and my shoulders. Then he fondled my privates again. When he was done touching me, I could feel the bed shake and didnít know what was going on. 
This happened again and again for several days. It even started to feel good. I liked the attention he gave me, and I knew deep down it was wrong but I had never been told about this sort of thing, what it was or why it was wrong. One night he touched me a lot harder and faster than before and it started to hurt so I cringed and pulled away. He pulled my back to him and shoved his hand into me holding me in place by his arm. I could feel his hard penis in back as he started to hump me. I screamed at the top of my lungs. He let me go and I moved away from him. My parents came rushing in and asked me what was wrong. I said I had a nightmare and asked to sleep in their room.  
The next night I had to sleep on the pull out again. I tried to sleep but couldnít. As soon as he pulled back to covers to get into bed I screamed again. Once again, I told everyone I had a nightmare. My parents let me sleep in their room the next couple of nights until we could move in to our new home. I knew I wouldnít be in the same situation again and had mixed emotions about the whole ordeal. I decided I would never tell anyone, even after I had been told that no one should ever touch me there and how wrong it was. I felt ashamed that I never told him to stop and that I liked him touching me.  
He never touched me again. He died May 25, 1999 a few days after a fatal car accident. 
I wish that was the end of my story, but it is not. I became sexually active at the ripe age of 14. I continued to be very promiscuous and then started experimenting with drugs and alcohol at 16. At 18 I started drinking hard alcohol and smoking marijuana very heavily.  
I became severely intoxicated at a party. Although I had several close friends there, an acquaintance of mine (also my current boyfriendís cousin) was starting to make me very uncomfortable. I called my boyfriend on the phone and told him I felt weird around his cousin and asked him to come over. I donít remember much after that besides being in an empty field behind the house and he was there ďhelpingĒ me. Next thing I remember I woke up in a dark bathroom with this guyís hand inside me. I was wearing a skirt, and when I came to he jumped away from me and moved to the other side of the room. I said ďwhatís going on?Ē He said that I was sick, as I tried to get up I realized my skirt was up around my waist and pulled it down. I asked ďwhy is it dark in here?Ē He said he wanted me to sleep so I would ďfeel better.Ē I ran out of the bathroom without turning on the lights, knocking over part of a drum set on the way out of the house.  
Outside of the house I saw my boyfriend and his friend. I tried to tell my boyfriend what had just happened. He explained to me that as soon as he got to the house I ignored him and wondered off with his cousin and that made him mad. I said I was sorry but I didnít know what exactly happened I just knew that I woke up with this guyís hand in me and got away. He told his friend what I told him and wanted to go inside and talk to him. His friend told him that I didnít know what I was talking about because I was wasted and probably made up a story to keep him from being mad at me. I was so frustrated I started crying and asked him to take me home. I vomited and cried all night long.  
The next day I told my best friend (that went to the party with me) what had happened, and I asked her not to say anything because I was still confused. I had left my purse at the house of the party and asked her to go with me. While I was trying to find my purse, she took the liberty to tell everyone still there what I said had happened. As I walked out the door, a mutual friend asked me if it was true; I simply replied no and got back to my car. As I was pulling away from the house, the guy walked into the middle of the road and said: ďDonít be tellin people lies about me, I tried to take care of you. Iím not going to let you say things like that!Ē I was so scared I said that I was sorry and I didnít mean it and raced home. Someone must have given him my phone number because he kept calling me all day threatening to tell everyone that I was a whore if I told anyone else that he had tried to do anything to me. I cried for days. I had no one to talk to and even if I felt safe telling someone, I donít think anyone would have believed me. 
I stayed with my boyfriend for over a year after the incident. I had to see his cousin (which lived two blocks away) for all kinds of family events even though I had stayed away from all of our mutual friends and any local parties that he may attend. While at my boyfriendís familyís Christmas party, his cousin tried talking to me about that night. I just said I donít know what happened but Iím sure you didnít do anything and walked away. I tried telling my boyfriend again that I knew he had touched me while I was out of it and that I didnít want to be around him or at least not without him by me. He just laughed at me and said that I make too big a deal out of nothing and walked away from me laughing. 
Hopeful and DeterminSigned on: Sat 12 Jan 2013 21:51:16 EST
I went through sexual molestation, physical abuse and emotional abuse.  
 
However, I have gotten the help for myself, and I see myself in a new light. There are a lot of support groups out there like this one. People may say hurtful things or done hurtful things to you. However, your life is so precious. I want to let everyone know that you are special no matter what anyone else says.  
 
Yes, you have to go through the darkness of your soul, but you emerge as a new person. All of you are butterflies, and you are waiting for your wings to fly. You will. You are a survivor.
Admin's Comment: So true - this is so common in life but not talked about. On this site is a links page and also "Where Do I connect with other survivors page". There is also local rape crisis centers and online helplines at rainn.org who can provide resources. There is books as well listed on the Books page. 
 
Thanks for sharing your story and alerting others to hope.
TheLovelyTearsSigned on: Sun 02 Dec 2012 21:56:15 EST
I am female, and I was molested by my male cousin from when I was 4 until I was 12. I'm 18 now. And he is dead.  
 
I don't blame myself, I didn't know any better. I don't feel I'm disgusting, I didn't know it was wrong. I keep it hidden to keep my family from feuding. Since he died from pnemonia, I don't feel the need to taint his memory in their eyes. It would do no good. My friends know because it doesn't affect them. I share my story to show people that it is possible to move on from that terrible deed. It is possible to not think badly of yourself.  
 
Here's a poem that was requested to be submitted on this website: 
 
Failure 
 
I blame myself 
I see how far you've fallen 
My breath is caught, my eyes closed 
But it's your name my voice is calling
cassSigned on: Mon 24 Sep 2012 05:30:37 EST
i've been sexually abused from ages 5-11 by my sister. i am a girl. she was my favourite person because she always bought me gifts, took me to nice places. so i thought that when she wanted to kiss and feel my privates, it was to show love. i hate her so much for destroying me. i only found out 5 months ago that it was sexual abuse. i am glad i did. i feel like i will forever live under the will of my abuser. even when she's not there, she controls my emotions. i am so deeply saddened because i can not tell anyone. it will break my family apart. i'm 14 and looking around for ways to heal. i always feel alone, angry, anxious . i have an eating disorder and social anxiety. why do i have to deal with this? i deserve better. no one loves me because i am not capable of being loved. i hate how i feel but somehow make it at the end. i wish someone would love me... :(
AsmaSigned on: Tue 04 Sep 2012 23:21:54 EST
Flowers in the Attic- VC Andrews, Great series! It's about well, I don't ralley want to give it away, but it's about these children locked away in an attic VERY dysfunctional family issues.My Sweet Audrina- VC Andrews, A stand alone novel. It's one of my favorites and fits into your category greatly. Thirteen Reasons Why- Jay AsherRunaway-?, A good, quick, read.The Lovely Bones- Alice Sebold, A MUST read.The Almost Moon-Alice SeboldLucky- Alice Sebold, A story Alice Sebold wrote about her ****. I could probably go on forever, except I can't remember anymore Happy New Year!
jmjSigned on: Sun 19 Aug 2012 02:42:30 EST
okay so im 14 yrs old my mom husband started'to meleste me i told her but she did nothing about it then we moved to a diffrent state and he started to do it again i thhought he had finally stopped but we moved again and he countinue to toich me im scared and dont kno how to tell my mom and im scared she will thimks its my fault 

Admin's Comment: I hope you come back and visit and look up your story and read this note. I hope you can tell your mother, and if she does not respond well, tell a teacher, friend another family member or such. Keep going. It is hard, I know. 
 
Here is a poem that has been inspired by you that I wrote today. 
"Three doors" http://www.whitedovesnest.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=441&Itemid=37 
 
 
 
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